Sunday Morning.....

My sleep was interrupted. I wouldn't call it an interruption, since I woke up, for a change, with a relaxed and calm mind. It was a Sunday, I had no classes, no agonizing Sunday Test, on which I have dedicated a whole post (http://shaishavism.blogspot.com/2010/12/now-thats-sunday.html) ( That's good advertising isn't it ? ;-) )

I glanced at my wrist watch. 5.45 AM. That was early. I don't even get up at 5.45 for classes! I thought about going back to sleep. However, as I glanced around, I found my adjacent bed empty, which suddenly reminded me that there was no one in the house. Of Course! My parents and my sister had left town for a wedding or something. I don't know exactly what, because I was more busy planning what to do, when they weren't around, rather then listening to them.

Pumped with enthusiasm to get up, but not enough to walk more than ten steps, I collapsed on bed in my parents room. As I looked out of the window, I noticed that it was just about time for sunrise. 

I walked towards my french window ( if you know what that means! ) and sat down on the granite ledge. The cool and humid atmosphere in the morning had made the ledge really cold. As I relaxed on the ledge, my warm body met with a chilling yet comforting cold from the granite ledge. It hadn't rained the previous night, but the atmosphere was pleasingly cool. I grabbed my blanket and made myself some coffee as I settled to witness sunrise- from an urban spot. 

As I sipped onto my warm coffee, which seemed perfect for the cool atmosphere and the even cooler granite ledge. It was utopia. Darkness faded away, and the world became a little brighter. It was as if someone was adjusting the brightness display of the Earth, very slowly and steadily, allowing me to sink in every moment of it. 

I couldn't hear a single sound from motor vehicles or the construction site next to my building. It was just me and an eerie yet comforting silence.

In a few minutes though, I was no longer alone. I was joined by a number of birds. I could hear the cuckoo, whose sound I had heard after more than 5-6 years. I could hear many more sounds from different types of birds, who I don't even know about. All of it seemed like music. Pure music. Music without words. Music with emotions though. The birds sounded so sweet, that no melody in the world could compare to them. That is Mother Nature at its best.

I had woken up dozens of times, at that particular time of the day, and I had looked out of the window many times, but I never ever noticed all the things that I noticed, while warming up inside my blanket, sipping my coffee. In our day to day life, we're too busy to notice the smaller things. The chirping of the birds, the crisp and bright colour of the flowers and the leaves, the beautiful colour and design of the butterflies. Even looking at a chameleon camouflaging, amazes me and makes me so happy.

They say, the thing that you look hardest for, is right in front of your eyes. That Sunday was the paradigm of that saying. 

We look for happiness in so many different things. Money, success, entertainment etcetera etcetera. And we often find ourselves unhappy, when we go looking for happiness in these things. 

The Only Thing That We Need To Do To Find Happiness, Is To Open Our Eyes.

And You'll See Happiness All Around You!

Tomorrow....

Its been a long time. Almost two months since I last posted. But I've been extremely busy with my studies ( Yes, you can smile at the sarcasm... ;-) ) Frankly speaking my mind has been really lazy and I've not had the time to think about anything to write. My life has a routine, and since I don't really meander from it, there is hardly anything new.

Now almost everyone reading my posts must have figured out that my mind meanders a lot. I think about stuff that normally not many people think, ( No this is not a self praising post) and thereby trouble myself, searching for answers, and when I don't get them, I trouble you guys for the answers. Obviously, why should I suffer alone? ;-)

So my test was nearing ( Which I don't know why, brings a wicked smile to my face ) and I had a lot of pending work for the next day. It was around ten in the night, and I could have completed a part of the work that time itself, but then came into my mind, the one word that is my favorite- Tomorrow. The picture was perfect. I could get my precious sleep, and I would also ( Somehow magically) finish off the pile of homework and pending work that I had.

We fast forward twenty four hours ahead. As you rightly guessed, I DID get my precious sleep, but I couldn't complete my entire pending work. I was almost going to put it off till tomorrow again, when I suddenly remembered that I had promised myself the same earlier. And that's when I realized how useful the world tomorrow really was.

It was perfect. You would't feel guilty, you could get all your comforts and you would be an eternal optimist (always believing that tomorrow all your problems would be solved. Ha Ha. ) However, when tomorrow would actually come, you would be longing for Yesterday. The day where all your troubles seemed so far away. Its an amazing irony, how the lazy human mind always wants everything without working for it. Or is it just me?

In a way the future is also a scary cum wonderful place. It really depends on what kind of a situation you are in. It is in accordance to that. Even without that, it becomes a little scary when you think about the long term future. Almost after every major event that you predict, there are two 'What If's'. One takes you to a rosy, but a little unbelievable path, while the other one takes you to a path that you don't wanna believe! Somehow, the mind concentrates on the latter one. Now I dream big, and it becomes even more difficult when you dream big. The bigger the dream, the more belief and faith you need. And when you aim big, you want to be successful in everything that you do, even though it will be a minor thing like solving a sum. Even a small failure, hurts you. Actually the small failure hurts more. You start to have self doubts. If I can't do the small thing, how am I to do a huge thing, that six billion people can't do? What is special in me, that six billion people don't have.? Of course this is just a way to complicate things. We humans have a tendency to over analyze stuff, and use the tiny little brain too much. When you over complicate things, you forget the simplest of things.

Basically, its almost the peak time of studies, and we friends have been discussing a lot about the future and stuff. When you think of it in a nut shell, its a little scary. I tried to tell them, that studies and success was not related at all, (which I firmly believe, in terms, that you can be successful, without being successful in  studies). They half believed me, as all their teachers (and mine) would beg to differ.

Hopefully this madness will be over. :-)

P.S- Please Please Please Do Hear The Beatles. They Rock!  

P.P.S- Listen to Hey Jude, Yesterday, A Day In The Life and My Guitar Gently Weeps. Am still exploring many more.

P.P.P.S- Yesterday is awesome. It is almost an inversion of what I wrote.

P.P.P.P.S- Any Beatles fans here? I can't find anyone who likes The Beatles. And yeah, please suggest some songs of Beatles.

P.P.P.P.P.S- The Beatles! Have gone crazy :-)

The Right And Wrong of It All....

So I was sitting in my classes with my friends, and as usual I was having disagreements and differences of opinion about most of the issues being talked about. The issues that we were arguing about were very individualistic. Everyone had their own opinion, and you couldn't really say who was right, who was wrong. There are many topics, were everyone is entitled to their own views and you can't really say " Hey you're wrong, I'm right " even if you badly want to.

So there I was, trying to keep that- 'I am right ' spirit in me, under control. (which is very difficult you know. Many humans have this tendency to make everyone agree with them. Have never really figured out why. Maybe to get the ecstasy of being right, or just to ensure you're not being left out alone in the crowd. Anyway I am meandering ) After all, everyone is entitled to their own opinion.

Which brought me to a bigger question- what is right and what is wrong.

You see, we live in this world, where we're brought up as God fearing citizens. We were told to always do good things, never to do bad things. Always help others, don't get into bad habits etcetera. If you abide by these things, you'll get passage into heaven, otherwise you'll burn in hell. Of course, there's also the theory in other religions which believe in the concept of rebirth, that you will pay for your sins in your next birth. Born with a defect or something.

While all this, makes sense, what doesn't make sense is the fact that the deeds are not defined. There's no definition. This is bad, or that is good. Obviously, there are so many things that we humans do, that its impossible to list them down. Which makes the whole theory tricky.

Actions are very relative. You can't judge anyone's actions. Every person is differently built, with a very different reacting system. So everyone has a different reaction, to a nearly-similar situation. A calm person, might be very cool headed, think the thing through and make a decision. While a panicky person, will think hastily, make a mistake and be branded a 'sinner'.

So then there are different kinds of rights and wrongs. You've got ' Morally right' , 'Socially right' , 'Politically right' etcetera. Which makes it even more confusing. What might be morally wrong, will almost always be politically right ( : P ). For example, not taking a stand on some important issue, saying no comments, is morally and socially wrong, but its politically PERFECT.

All that I am saying is that, you can't judge anyone, i.e whether they're doing a right thing or a wrong thing. There are just so many things that contribute to a person making a decision. A person might react differently, just because he hasn't slept properly. Wouldn't it be a little harsh, if you judge them on their decisions ?

Then of course, there are the 'good deeds'. There are many good things that we humans do, without any reason. We just feel like helping some other person, so we do it. But then again, the filthy mind of us humans, always breaches everything, forces us to make exceptions. What about those 'good' things that we do, which are selfish? That we do for our own benefit. Helping others, expecting some favours. Sometimes, we even remind others, " Hey I did that thing for you, you gotta help me man " Many times, we actually help those people, with a bigger, more sinister motive in our mind. Now that's not a good deed either.

So how do you identify, what is right path, and wrong path, when you get to the crossroads. As Al Pacino concluded in Scent Of A Woman, " Whenever you're at the crossroads, take the path that is more difficult. Coz that's the Right One"


P.S- As I was writing this post, I found an even better solution. Listen to your conscience. Its the best gift you have. If you listen to that, you'll surely know what is right and what is wrong. Even the most indecisive person will.

P.P.S- Al Pacino actually didn't say those words, but it meant that, in the latter part of Scent of A Woman.

P.P.P.S- Scent of a Woman - Great watch!! Al Pacino rocks!! What an actor!

To Change Or Not To Change...

For some reason, I am really happy. I don't know why. Suddenly am falling down. Lights! Its a dream. Another one of my afternoon classroom naps. Yeah, that's right, Classroom naps. Something about the uncomfortable wooden benches makes sleeping a very meaningful and divine act. Especially, after you've rattled your head with Organic Chemistry.

 So here I am, just awake from my slumber, when a moment of eureka struck me ( which is ironical ). I suddenly realized ( from an incident that had occurred previously in class), that people do what they do, sit where they sit, talk what they talk, influenced largely by the people around them . All this is in context of the classroom of course, but it also applies a lot to the larger world.

As you grow up, you meet many different kind of people. And as you meet many different kind of people, you begin to challenge your own thoughts, your own convictions and your own views and ideas. For example, when you're in school, you always hang out with the same kind of people. Mind you, the area where you're brought up, or the people around which you're brought up, makes up a lot of your ideas.

 So in school, for instance, you are always with the same kind of people, with the same kind of views (generally). However, as you step out of your shell, and go into the bigger world, you meet up with different kind of people, where each and every view of your is constantly challenged, scrutinized and debated upon. This especially happens when you travel to a different part of the city. I am from the suburb of a city, while the classes I go to has students from the town part of the city too. We always end up contradicting each other on numerous issues. For instance, money, relationships, principles, way of life etcetera. Matters like, way of life and money spending form most of our disagreements. The town people, being from the town side, are generally richer than us suburbans. And hence, the divide on issues related to money.

What happens is, that this human brain is left vulnerable to impressions and relentless hours of soul searching. Now, its very obvious that when you tell something to someone repeatedly for a long period of time, your mind tends to accept what that other person is saying, out of sheer exhaustion of contradicting and trying to prove that you are right. So now if I proclaim in every blog, that I am an awesome writer, after ten posts, you'll believe me even if its not true.

This sometimes leaves one wondering whether the ideals or principles, or views he/she stand by are right or not. Now, there are some kind of people who won't budge on their views, be it right or wrong. They may also dismiss the other person's view point completely. Then there are other kind of people, the other extremes, who will just accept what others say, and make it their view point. And in between these two people, are the smart ones. The rare ones. The ones, who listen to that other person, reason out whether they themselves are right or wrong, and then try to alter themselves accordingly.

Then there's one more problem. When it comes to matter of life, or money, or principles, everyone is right in themselves. I mean, everyone has a way of life, everyone has their own principles, and you can't be haughty enough to brand them as right or wrong.

My main concern would be to know if I'm on the right path. Obviously, your views will lead you to different paths in life. If your views or stand is right, you'll sail through. Otherwise, you'll have to attend a class of the best teacher in the world- Experience ( which is quite painful, but once done with, awesomely beautiful ).

In the end, its really difficult to ascertain whether to change yourself on some issue or not. Of course, there are the easy decisions, where you know you're wrong, and where you can change. But when it comes to principles, philosophies, and other intellectual-blow-your-mind-to-big-pieces stuff, its tough to take a call. So what do you do at that time?

Sleep.

Which is what I did, after thinking about all this.

P.S- On a serious note, I would welcome advice on this.

Blackout...

Total blackout. Something that you rarely experience. At least something that you rarely experience, Consciously. Simmering pain. Like someone has just put in hot molten lava inside your stomach. The pain is unbearable. Blackout is rare. The pain is rare. Death, is rare.

A flurry of thoughts go through my mind. Its as if my whole life goes back in rewind mode, starting from the newest memories to the oldest one. They say your whole life appears before you in your dying minutes. They, are true.

The Blackout is replaced by the scenes of my classroom. The place I loved. Even in my dying seconds, my books still don't leave my side. I don't know whether that is agonizing or soothing. My classmates. From whom I learnt so much , and maybe taught a little to them.

My Best Friends. Had just spent an evening with them and had to leave early. Wish I would have stayed a little longer, hug them and tell a final goodbye. The fun, the pranks, the long talks, all came in a flash. But before I could remember and locate he random pictures of my mind, the next memory took over. Too much to review in too little time.

My parents. Who raised me with so much love, affection and care. Who expected so much from me. Sometimes I delivered, sometimes I didn't. I now regret the times when I didn't fulfill their expectations. Just a little more hard work, just a little more effort would have sealed it. I regret talking rudely to my mom and dad before going to sleep tonight. I thought I would say sorry tomorrow. But tomorrow is a funny word. Its funny how often we take that word for granted. I wish, I would have kissed my parents good  night.

My Teachers. I believe I had cast an impression in every of my teachers' mind. Hopefully a good one. They were the ones who mentored me, groomed me, got me ready to face the world. Teachers, to whom I didn't mean anything in relation, but teachers who thought of me as their son. Teachers who groomed my talents, encouraged, scolded, supported and corrected me.

I am just seventeen. My life is both of regrets and achievements. I am a person who affected some people's life. Some people, who'll always remember me. I am assured about the fact that the people who knew me, had a good impression about me.

I finally had a good feeling about this. I started gathering good memories. But.....

Blackout.


P.S- Its really soul-soothing to write a post assuming you're dead. You get to say so many things that you would never had said in a million years. Every dead's man last post would be something close to this, I guess.

P.P.S- I am alive : P

P.P.P.S - Funny I wrote about my death on the eve of my birthday : P

Hope Is A Good Thing...

According to  me, there are two kinds of situations in everyday life. One- when you're sure about something. Confident and prepared. There's a level of certainty in those situations. Doesn't matter whether the situation is good or bad. You're prepared, your actions are measured. There is no element of surprise. Then there are situations when you Hope. The condition or situation in which, the rational thinking stops, and the unbelievable, yet believable thinking stops. The place where the real world ceases to exist, and the world you make your dreams in, becomes your reality, for a brief time. A place, I am sure everyone has visited from time to time, and come back exhilarated.

In the past year or so, I have visited that DreamLand many times, coming back revitalized, re energized, rejuvenated. Often, those times have been tough times. Times, when everything seems wrong, all hope seems to be lost, everything seems to be crumbling. However, this is the time when I choose to leave the world of stone and wall, and into the world of the infinite. The world no one in the planet can take away from you. No one can get to you. No one can monitor what you're thinking, what dreams you are weaving. No one is there to second guess you.  It is the world, where you don't let people's opinion bother you. Where you can dream dreams, no one else has dreamed. Its just you and your imagination.

Then you come back to reality. But the best part come here. The Dream World still exists, even though its a minor reflection of its real form. The important things- your dreams, still exist. They don't go away. Instead, they are given new confidence, new belief and you receive a new boost, a new vigor to go and chase them. Everything has changed now. The taunts don't bother you. The odds stacked against you don't bother you. Because the thing that you saw in Your World, is so stunningly beautiful and divine, that you'll do anything to get it. You'll ignore the opinion of thousands of people to get that thing that you want.

That Is Hope. The feeling of  faith, the feeling of believing even when the odds are against you. The feelings which lead to miracles. The feelings which can drive a man crazy. The feelings which can make a man do so many impossible things, that  others think he's gone insane.

Still, you always find cynics in this world. Cynics who live in the real world. People, who have never really felt what it is feels like to drown in your own dreams. People, who maybe haven't ever had dreams. People who will feel that hope is a dangerous thing. When you tell these people about your world, they just laugh and scoff. They mention their age and stress the fact that dreams are only meant to be in the mind. They tell you, we're more experienced and we know better. However, I don't listen to them. Yes, I am stubborn. I don't think I will ever listen to them. Because its My Dream. It is My Hope. It is My Mind. And it is My Imagination. I will continue dreaming till there is even a tiny chance of that dreaming coming true. Maybe even after that.

" Don't let anyone tell you that you can't do something. You gotta dream, you gotta protect it. People can't do something themselves, the tell you that you can't do it either. You want something, go get it! " These words of Will Smith ( Chris Gardner from The Pursuit Of Happyness ) still ring in my head.

Hope Is A Good Thing.  Maybe The Best Of Things.  And No Good Thing Ever Dies.


P.S - Last line quoted from The Shawshank Redemption

P.P.S- The Shawshank Redemption Rocks!!!

P.P.P.S- Hope my message isn't lost by the P.S And P.P.S : P

A Day In The Life Of Mumbai....

The eyes refuse to open. It seems justified, after only a four hour sleep, and at least fourteen hours of work which lies ahead. The odds are stacked against them. However, the stomach is growling with hunger. The stomach wins the battle, and the eyes open. Its still pitch dark outside, but the day starts here. The body carries out the usual chores to be completed after getting up from bed, but the mind is far away. Busy with the day's plan, busy with unfulfilled dreams, every day making the dreamer more and more determined to achieve the dream, achieve the impossible.

The breakfast has the same pattern as the chores. In a bid to silence the growling stomach, the taste, hygiene, quantity and quality is forgotten. Because the mind is still roaming. Busy predicting the day's the problems, busy predicting the train schedules, busy trying to figure out a way to pay the existing debts. At some rare moment, the mind realizes what life the person is living, but its no big deal. The mind is coaxed easily. " Everyone lives the same life. You're no different. " And the mind quietly goes back to its job.

You invariably wander to the nearest railway station. Trains. The lifeline of Mumbai. The heat is unforgiving, The atmosphere is always extreme. Too much heat, too much rains. Unfortunately, there is never too much winter. As you reach the platform, you see about one thousand people on the platform ( sadly its not a hyperbole ). This is where the competition begins. A train designed for one thousand people, on an average carries thrice its capacity. Its the trains, which single- handedly give out the motto and the attitude of the city. " Compete or Perish " is what the unrelenting, yet kind, frustrating, yet rewarding city says in every way that it can.

However, no one is deterred by this attitude. Everyone here has a purpose. Some come with a will to become rich, some with a will to become famous.

As you hang outside the train ( which is much more comforting than sitting in the train, though not even remotely as safe as the former ) the stark irony of the city strikes you. As you move from the suburbs to the posh town area, the irony strikes you. High rises and tall towers, with shambles and slums growing in front of them. Rich people wearing branded clothes and the poor wearing the same clothes everyday sit in the same overloaded compartment. The city is Unforgiving.

You see parks being built on one side, trees being grown on one side, and forests being torn down to accommodate buildings on the other side. But what can you do? The sheer amount of people coming to make their living is too much a burden for any city.

Even with all this, Mumbai is still The City Of Dreams. Even after a day like the one mentioned above, people still dare to dream. The dreams just gets stronger everyday, the resolve gets stronger everyday. You can still go out at 2 AM in the night without a care in the world of getting kidnapped ( women included ), you can still be stuck in the floods, vying for every ounce of energy, just to be greeted by volunteers who don't take advantage of you, rather they offer you tea and glucose biscuits free-of-cost. Even after every draining day, after every fatal punch, the hope is still there.

Mumbai. The City Of  Dreams. The City Of Hope.


P.S- Just tried my hand at this. Am not even half as experienced as any Mumbaikar. Just thought I would try.

A Day At The Beach....

The rickshaw dropped me near platform number one of Borivali station, almost five minutes earlier than it was supposed to. It was a boon actually, because it was 8.43 in the morning, which loudly screams RUSH HOUR. I could use that time to prepare myself for a lonely battle with about fifty people, aiming for the same door of the compartment of the train, all of them well aware that they could easily get in the train without screaming, without pushing ; in short, in a human way. In such cases, even quotes by great people fail. " Be The Change You Want To See ." Well, if I try to board the train in a human way, there won't be any train to board onto. 

As the train approached the platform, everyone geared up. The wallets were safe inside the bag, the bag itself in the safety of the grasp of their hands. As the train came to a halt, people started screaming, pushing, abusing, running for the window seat ( the child in a person, really IS alive ), and pushed away fellow passengers as if they were giving away free petrol ( would have mentioned onions, but their price is normal now : P ). As I myself ran for a seat, the scene suddenly reminded me of a movie. The scene looked an exact replica of the movie I Am Legend. Except the fact that the passengers were humans, but were behaving like zombies.

After a lot of hustle and bustle, I reached Andheri station to my classes. As I ran up the stairs, I was greeted by a lock! After a few calls, I came to know that the classes were closed for today and I hadn't been informed. Now my daily routine for the class meant that I would officially reach home only at about 7 pm. And it was after this that the impulsive part in me, took over my brain, and propelled me to do something that I always wanted to do, but something I would never dare to do. I walked out of the building, hailed another rickshaw, and just spoke two words- " The Beach ".

So there I was, in the rickshaw, having taken a decision I hadn't taken for a year, but a decision I always wished I had taken one day. Now I love the beach. I don't know why, but there is something about the beach, that is so soothing, calming and silent that just transports me into a world far far away.

I paid the rickshaw driver his fare ( which made me wish, I had thought twice about this " plan " ). As I walked towards the beach, the characteristics of the beach, all came to life. The blowing wind, which gave relief from the excruciating heat of Mumbai, and most of all, the Silence and Calmness.

It was high tide. The waves were almost coming halfway down the beach. I thought of going into the water, but resisted, knowing that my pant would be a mess, if I did. I found a cool corner, below a coconut tree, resting my back against a wall, made myself comfortable in the place where I would be spending the next seven hours. 

The beach was almost uninhabited. There were only a few couples, a group of children with a mom, and some boys playing cricket far away from the place where I was sitting. 

My mind switched focus to the sound of the wind blowing into my ears. The sound of the waves, crashing onto the sand of the beach. The sound of the sweet banter of the children, who were making sand castles again and again, courtesy of one child breaking the castle every time the other children made one. All of it seemed music to my ears. Why wouldn't it? The ears was so used to loud noise, people shouting, chattering, listening to loud music on earphones, which frankly speaking becomes a nuisance because of its sheer volume, constant noise of vehicles, constant noise of the idiotic television and much more. The sound of the waves and the sound of the birds alone, could trump any type of music in this world. And the best part is that they are so rare, that you treasure moments like these.

That is the best part of the beach. It makes you forget everything in your life, and just leaves you with yourself. In Silent Contemplation. You're far away from trains, the rush, the noise, the constant threat that you live under, convinced that screwing one day, could screw your life, far away from the cut throat competition, just alone with you. 

I spent six hours on the beach that day, and this is all I could manage. Because I don't know myself what I was thinking or doing while I was at the beach. But I do remember one thing. That I didn't have to look at the watch even once while at the beach. And as if to reward me, I could witness the sunset, which for me is the greatest scene in the world.

Doesn't everyone want that? I mean, seriously, who enjoys this rat race that everyone is pulled into? Don't you badly wanna spend a day, when you are actually at peace? When you don't think about the consequences which will follow the next day. When you can truly live your life, without the fear that you can screw up your life if you don't study. Don't you wanna spend a day when you can do everything that you enjoy and not something which is forced on you? A day when you don't complain, a day when you're free. A day when you just don't want to see the sun go down.

I had mine. When are you gonna have yours?

P.S - The last two lines were inspired work. Bryan Adams song - On A Day Like Today. The lyrics wouldn't look good in their original form, so I just tweaked them.

P.P.S- Do go the beach. Its AWESOME!!!

How Do Ya Feel Tonight...?

I lay silently on my bed. It was a cold night, and I was cuddling up to my pillow, trying to catch some sleep. However, I just could not. The adrenaline was still pumping through my body. The day had been a long one, and normally I would have fallen asleep, as soon as I slept on my bed, and dreamed about the craziest things in the world. But this night, was no ordinary night. Let's back up and review the seventeen hours prior to this moment.

It was all normal. I got up in the morning, normal train, normal journey, normal classes (which means boring), normal studies ( Hmmm, no comments! : P ), normal college (which means boring again) and normal day. The special 'highlights' of the day would only be- hectic, tiring, not- happy- not- sad. Contrary to my tiring and hectic day, I was not getting sleep at all.

I got up quietly and stared at my watch. It was 11.33 PM. And suddenly out of nowhere, I became impulsive. I put on my sweater, took my wallet, got my iPod, got the leftover Coke and quietly left my house. Now I was taking a big risk, as my dad who wasn't a very sound sleeper, could get up in the middle of the night and, well, not find me there. I had also left my cellphone in my house. I never realized all this for quite a long time.

In the mean time, I tiptoed down the staircase, just to find my watchman sound asleep. Someone was having a productive time! I opened the building gate slowly and carefully, which was not helping as the gate made loud creaking noises. Or was it that I was too aware of the gate noise, which made it sound louder? Not offering it a second thought I set off towards the left.

Now when I had 'left' my house, I wasn't as impulsive as you think I was. I had decided a destination in my mind when I took that risk. What was this destination? It was a lake. I had first discovered it when I was eleven. At that time, the road near the lake was quite lonely, but rapid urbanization had not left anything 'non- urbanized'. Anyway the lake was seen by me as a perfect destination to go when I was sad, as it was the perfect setting for a peaceful time. It was quiet, lonely and beautiful. But I wasn't sad and  I had never imagined that I would go there at almost twelve in the morning.

As I walked towards the lake, I folded my arms and made vain attempts to warm myself. I looked up, to see the moonless sky glittering with stars. The sky was quite clear, and the stars were extremely bright. It seemed like the perfect setting.

I had reached the lane which led to the lake. As I walked into the lane, I realized that I hadn't taken into account the fact that the lake would be lonely, scary and a little too-quiet for my liking. Refusing to be taken in by the fear, I put the earphones in my ears, switched on my iPod and began to listen to Bob Dylan songs, singing loudly, just for my satisfaction.

I found a suitable spot near the bank of the lake and settled there. I finished my coke, quietly looking at the still waters, that were often disturbed my ripples formed by the swimming fish. I switched off the iPod, to enjoy the very rare and rather eerie silence. The funny thing about silence, is that it sets into motion the wheels of your brain. The question which had troubled me for the past half hour came to my mind again.  Why was I so excited? Why did I do something that I would never do in my lifetime? Why exactly was I so happy even after such a normal day? I searched and searched, for almost an eternity and gave up. I put my earphones back in my ears and started the Bryan Adams Playlist. And just like magic, I found my answers in the song.

I Feel So High,
No One Else Would Know It,
I Don't Know Why,
I Feel The Way I do.
I Can't Let Go,
And I'm Not Scared To Show It,
Cause Being Here, Feels Right!
So Tell Me How Do You Feel Tonight?

It wasn't the answer I was looking for, but a lesson I could learn. Why the hell do I need a reason to be happy? Can't I just Shut The F*** Up and be happy? Why do you need a reason for everything anyway? If something is making you feel good, don't run behind the cause, because you'll end up ruining the whole experience. I don't know if its there in you, but I have the habit of trying to figure out everything ( if you don't believe me, read the previous post : P ). So I decided then and there, that I would not question anything that would make me happy and make me feel good.

Almost as if feeling that the mission was accomplished, I got up, dusted myself and made my journey back home. I was no longer afraid of the dark ( that's just a lie... ). As I reached the building gate, I glanced at my watch. It was one in the morning. I made my way to the wing, climbed up the staircase past the watchman ( who was still sleeping!) and reached my door. I dug my hands into the pocket and just uttered two words : Oh F***!

I had forgotten my house keys!

God Of All Things...

I've been meaning to write this post for a long long time now, about four months ago. However, I did not post it. Maybe, because of my views not being socially accepted. After all, its God right? The most sensitive topic you can ever touch. Its sure to ruffle one or two feathers, outrage somebody and, in extreme case, propel somebody to come to my house and burn it down ( : P ) However, I won't be writing anything very controversial, because my views about God are not controversial at all.

My early memories of my experiences with god are pretty limited. They consist of me going to the temple, praying with utmost honesty, always praying for my family first and me later, always God fearing and never ever questioning the very idea or concept of God. Slowly, as I grew into a teenager ( ninth standard to be precise), my views about God begun to take shape. I rarely visited temples now, I hardly prayed ( but when I did, I put my family first at that time too ) and  I started to challenge the very idea and concept of God. I became less God fearing, and began to question everything that God had ' asked us to do'. I searched for answers to my questions, but I got none. My belief in God deteriorated even further.

So what led to all this? What were the things that got me to an absurd (some might say), socially unacceptable             conviction ? Frankly speaking, I find it hard to recollect now why I actually made up such a conviction. However, as I think about it I can figure out, not-so-clearly, why I made up that conviction. ( I will not say whether the conviction was entirely wrong, but I do agree ( with all humility) that I was partially wrong )

During my teen years, I came across a concept called " The Law Of Attraction ". Now I won't explain the concept, because it will take me at least ten posts to explain that theory. In a nut shell, it was a  theory that enabled me to obtain anything I wanted. I tried out  the theory, and it worked out magnificently for me. Now, to be completely honest, many of us, while praying to God, only ASK for what they want. Now, a teenager wants a lot of things in life, and praying for those things was one of the ways in which one thinks they can get them. Through The Law Of Attraction, I got many of the things that I wanted, which obviously made me happy. The fact that whatever I asked from God, I almost never got, coupled with The Law Of Attraction giving me almost everything that I wanted, my inclination towards God started declining. ( For your information, the Law Of Attraction, in no way suggests anything about existence or belief in God. It was just a misinterpretation on my part)

In my defense, I was just a fifteen year old at that time, and my views were entirely wrong, and now two years on, I do not feel the same anymore about God.

My father would often laugh about my views and would just remark one thing -  " Your views will change as you mature." And they did. In that year itself, my views about God changed. I stopped becoming an atheist, but I did not become a follower. I was, and am still somewhere in the middle. The place where you know about the existence of God, but also the place where your aware and appalled how the name of God is being misused by humans.

For me, God is divine. The only presence of God that can be felt on Earth, is maybe through the teachings of God, which are 'conveyed' through  religion. I put 'conveyed' in inverted commas, because of the fact that they are not! It appalls me, the way in which people misuse the name of God for their own purposes. If you trace back to any mythology and read it properly, God never ever made his own religion. It was the people who followed the Gods that made religions. How can something made by mortals (religion), that is never ever propagated  by God himself, be the way to reach God? If you actually look at what all you do, which is in accordance to Religion, you will see that it doesn't have any connection to God at all.

How do animal sacrifices have any connection to God? How does, donating money to priests or pandits, have anything to do with God? Isn't money a worldly thing, and doesn't giving money to GOD, mean disrespect to God? How does having to go the temple or church have anything to do with God? Can't you pray at home? Isn't God in your heart?

Am not targeting any religion here, am just pointing out that ALL religions are flawed and manipulated to suit the needs of a few. I do not say everything that religion propagates is false. I have the utmost respect for all the Holy Scriptures, and I believe only they should be followed.

I am just against the idea of Religion. I mean, look what religion has done to the world? The Crusades, Hindu- Muslim tension and so much more. God never wanted his name, to be the reason of terror, fights and war. That is what we, as humans, have done to the Holy Institution of God. And that is the reason why I do not believe in religion. For me, its just causing more problems than it is solving. Having said that, I also believe in the Holy Scriptures, as those are the words of God, which cannot be changed or manipulated.

P.S- My views will not be accepted by many. Maybe my views will change with time, as I mature. However, this is what I feel at this moment in life. And it is something that hurts me, which is the reason why I posted it.

Random Thoughts 2 ....

WARNING : I REALLY DON'T  KNOW WHAT I AM GOING TO WRITE ABOUT. SO EXPECT SOME RANDOM STUFF AND NO LINKAGES BETWEEN PARAGRAPHS!



I have been meaning to write for a long long time now. However, nothing substantial ever came to mind. And if anything ever did come, it was not something I could elaborate upon. And then something happened-

I hastened my steps. I was five minutes behind schedule. And considering the predicament of my friend, I knew how long those five minutes would eventually seem to be, in his head. I hurried across the eighth platform, trying to avoid the evening rush, which I was unsuccessful in. I reached McDonald's ten minutes late ( Thanks to the sickening evening rush) and found my friend impatiently waiting for me. We exchanged a few pleasantries and seated ourselves in one of the booths. Now, it was almost seven to eight months since we five friends had met together, so there was a lot of catching up to do. Slowly, in the next half hour or so, all of the five friends had come.

It was fun meeting them after such a long time. I mean, we were used to meeting everyday in school, but since college had begun, we had only managed to meet twice (the five of us together) in almost an year. So it was a happy reunion. Actually a happy reunion, with sad stories.

As we sat for the next three hours, stories, or rather, problems, unfolded one by one. Some problems had no solution, some did not need a solution (the solution being obvious) and some were just plain frustrating. In short, the whole time we discussed how f***** ( I know, family website, but can't help it. Its needed for the emotion   : P )our lives were. There was no one in my friends who had a perfect life, or anywhere even near perfect. And mind you, my friends are not the ones who would get in trouble. One of them is a topper, one is the nicest guy I know, and the other two are as good as anyone in the world. Still, everyone of us had managed to screw things up.

Things were not like this is school though. The only problem we had was deciding which girl to go after ( : P ).  Studies was not a problem, as it was a duty and not a choice. We all had perfect lives in the last year of school.

What changed suddenly? We just progressed a year, like we used to in school. So how did the problems mount up? What changed between school and college? Many of the problems we face are related to studies, but there are also some which just go beyond our reach.

These are just questions. Questions which come to mind, when things around are dark. When you have a  'pushing- the- wall' feeling ( Trying too hard, but nothing happening ( but it doesn't mean that nothing can happen)) Questions which don't need answering, maybe because they have no answers and maybe because, knowing the answers would not help much too. These questions come and go, and I usually don't pay too much attention to these questions. They are just teasers, which appear in the evening and disappear in the morning.

As I sometimes come back to mu house during rush hours, I notice a weird trend. Whenever, the train comes to the platform, even before the train stops, people start jumping and running to take their seats in the train. It just makes me wonder how stressful is the life of people and how they are always in a hurry. At that time, our problems seem infinitesimal. Maybe that's how the cycle of life is. See, this is how your thoughts make you crazy!

Something that really helps in overcoming stress and this kind of mini-depression is FOOT-BOARDING ( for the train illiterate- its the act of standing on the door, which is illegal ( they say act, but its actually an ART ) ). The wind rushing through your hair, with music in your ears, the warm yet comforting sun, glowing with all its splendor ; the experience is exhilarating. Even  the dirty, black water of the big nala's seem so beautiful, when you look below and find them slipping under your foot.  Sometimes, it just reminds you of the many things in this world, that are just so beautiful.

We only need to open our eyes, and the world again turns into a beautiful and amazing place to live in..!

P.S- Don't try foot-boarding please. Leave it to the pro's (me : D )

P.P.S - This was really random right?

P.P.P.S - I completed one year in blogging : D : D